conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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