Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
