Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
