margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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