Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
