Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
