Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
