nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
