Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize