I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize