dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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