babies were throwing up all over the place
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
