its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
