i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have fence marks all over my body
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
