i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
