i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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