Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize