I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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