my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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