You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
