I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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