i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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