so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
