I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize