I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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