I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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