I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
