I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
