WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
