Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
