...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
