I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
