i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize