The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
