You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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