Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
