i may or may not be watching the land before time
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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