dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
