the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
