The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
