Buhtt sex?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize