Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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