So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize