On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
