How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
