I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
