Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
