I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
