What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
