I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize