Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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