This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
