Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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