I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
