I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
