so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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