She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
