My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
