I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
