This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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