Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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