Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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