yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
