she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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