In the future we'll all be gay
I'm going to jail i love you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
