Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
