i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
