I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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