She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
