I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
