you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize