I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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