u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
