Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
