mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
