so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
