The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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