forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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