I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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