she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
