Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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