Got a toothbrush?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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