Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
