I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
