The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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